Over the last year, I have posted a number of articles and comments on Marty Rathbun’s blog, as well as other websites, that detail situations that occurred while I was in the Sea Org and at the Int base. Things came to a head recently as my husband, who had also been at Int, did not agree with my postings nor with some of my views. Over the course of several weeks there was a lot of communication with some terminals I know, study of LRH policy and also much discussion of the past. As a result I was offered a Committee of Evidence to look into and sort out the injustices of the past.
I came to realize that though I have always communicated from my own reality and have stayed true to what I know – I was not confronting the fact that there were issues I need to sort out with the Church. These are issues of significance for me. They are also issues that are covered in policy, and which I felt, as a declared SP, I had no real way to sort out.
I decided to follow the standard lines and get the situations looked into and resolved, rather than to continue to air my own BPC and upset on public lines through the internet. There are many people who, like me originally, lurk in the background, standing in neither camp, but instead wavering in a grey zone in the middle. For these persons, I feel concerned that I have unduly influenced them, in a way I should not have. The correct way, per LRH, to sort a scene like mine out, is not to hold a public kangaroo court and encourage upset – but to sort out the situations on standard lines.
I apologize to any and all persons who may have been enturbulated by some of my earlier articles and postings.
There is no one who has encouraged me to write this. No one stands over my shoulder as I do. I just realize that if I am requesting justice to look into situations that were incorrect in the past, then standing in the camp of persons who are antagonistic to the Church and to Church management is not the correct place for me to be located.
I also realized that I had been drawn to this group of “independent” scientologists as I was craving terminals who I felt I could communicate to, as I was not able to communicate to anyone in good standing. I used the communication line as a means of venting some of my upset, but as time progressed I heard of people within this loosely affiliated group becoming involved in activities I did not agree with, and did not want to be part of. As an example, delivery of upper levels, use of meters that are not silver certed, revising checksheets with the plans to make them available on the internet, affiliation with groups that are anti-Scientology, tabloid media interviews, and so on. I have never been involved in these activities and don’t wish to do so.
I have said from the beginning that I am a Scientologist, and apply LRH technology in my life. I am going to follow policy and standard lines to review my situation and get it sorted out. I hope that others will do the same if they too have issues that they feel are wrong, or unjust, or off-policy.
I am firmly of the view that what is real to you is what is real to you. I used to have the idea that the Scientology door was shut – but it is not. I hope others also use the opportunity to push that door and get things sorted out.